One of my best friends used to routinely disappear from my life when they were loved up, which always made me feel like a backup plan. Then they would slowly edge back in when breakup was on the horizon, much to my annoyance, which amplified the thought that our friendship didn’t matter much to them. The second time it happened, I said this was sh*tty friend behaviour and I wouldn’t tolerate it anymore — either you’re my friend all of the time, single and coupled up, or you’re not. To this person’s credit, they apologized, owned it, and have since never let our friendship wane while falling in love again. Our closeness allowed for this honesty and vulnerability on both sides, which is a testament to our respect and love for each other. However, I haven’t always been so lucky. Some friends never managed to kick the habit of getting swallowed whole into their relationships, and lost my friendship as I lost patience.